Individuals Who Undertake These 7 Verbal Habits in 2021 Have Very Excessive Emotional Intelligence

If there is one area that readers are improving themselves in they told me they’d love to work on it in 2021, it’s emotional intelligence.

Here are some very simple resolutions for 2021 designed just for that.

They’re really simple: just a series of short memorized sentences that will improve your conversations and increase the likelihood of reaching your goals with others this year.

1. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 …

Have you ever seen the perfect thing to say to someone – only is it too late because you’ve already said something less effective?

I hate when that happens. One way to get this done less often is by not rushing to say things before you have to. A short break can be enough. I even count to five before I answer.

I would recommend saying this to yourself calmly – although if you do it out loud on purpose, you are certainly sending a message to the other person in your conversation.

In short, silence speaks volumes, and when you are not speaking you are most likely thinking or even listening. They also don’t dig rhetorical holes for themselves.

2. “Thanks, I’ll check in tomorrow.”

This comes from Warren Buffett or is at least inspired by him. He once stated that the best advice he ever got was to always tell someone to go to hell tomorrow.

So you don’t have to react immediately.

Remember, this doesn’t have to be confrontational either. Perhaps you are considering how to reply to an email at 4pm to worry about placing an order. Maybe it’s a business partner letting you know that she doesn’t like the marketing materials you’ve been working on for a day.

Wait a day Wait half a day. In short, wait. Take the time to gain control over your emotions so that they are a tool for you, not a challenge to overcome.

3. “?,?,?”

These three question marks are meant to remind you to ask three questions.

To be honest, three is just a number. You can ask two questions, you can ask 10. The point is to get used to asking questions instead of just thinking about what you are thinking.

Emotionally intelligent people understand that the more you can focus conversations on the other person, the better they will feel about the discussion and the more likely you are to achieve your goals.

The simple link is simply to ask more questions. A little more difficult, although equally important, is actively listening to the answers.

4. “Say a little more.”

I don’t know about you, but I’m only human. And that means, even when I try to be an active listener, sometimes I don’t get it.

I may just not be smart enough to understand what the other person really means. Or, I may not be focused enough to get all of my attention on the conversation, unlike the hundreds of other things currently going on.

This is why “say a little more” is such a great all-purpose phrase. It shows interest and invites the other person to keep talking. In addition, it will fill in the gaps for you. Even if the other person has already expressed their point of view, they invite them to take it again.

5. “It sounds like you’re saying …”

Often times the most effective thing you can say in a conversation is exactly what the other person just said to you.

You don’t necessarily have to agree to them 100 percent. Or even 10 percent. But starting with that sentence and then repeating what you think you are really hearing has a powerful emotional impact.

It means you are listening. It means they will be heard. It means the two of you are engaged in a real conversation instead of talking past each other or cursing at the tide.

6. “You may not know, but …”

I came across this technique almost two decades ago, and although I didn’t know then that it had anything to do with emotional intelligence, I now understand why it’s so powerful.

In short, imagine you want to compliment someone. That’s a nice thing for you: “You did a great job on this presentation” or “People know they can always trust you and count on you.”

Now imagine adding a six-word sentence beforehand: “You may not know that, but …”

This preamble triggers neurons that cause people to wonder what others think of them. And when you start like this, you actually increase the impact of the compliment.

They tell me, would you rather compliment someone so that they feel good or a compliment that makes them feel really good? Especially when the price was only six words?

7. “Let me ask you specifically …”

I recently wrote a full article on how emotionally intelligent people try to avoid conversations with phrases like “How are you?” To start. or above all: “how is everything good?”

We all do this sometimes. But how are you? “Is usually a throw-away question that nobody expects to be answered truthfully. Adding the preferred answer -” good? “- just sends the wrong signal if you really want to have a conversation.

Let me offer these five words – almost as if they were scaffolding until it becomes a matter of course to start conversations with other, specific inquiries.

“Let me ask you specifically … how was your weekend?”

Or else: “How are your children doing with the virtual school?”

Or: “What was the most interesting thing about this last project for you?”

Like all of these sentences, the exact words don’t matter. What is really important is to train yourself so that the other people feel heard, valued, and important in your conversations.

Not a bad start to 2021 – or any year at all.

The opinions expressed here by Inc.com columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com.